This week I want to put an issue on the table that I’ve been really stressing over in hopes that all of you brides out there can commiserateThe Guest List Backlash.

Yes it’s true, Colin and I haven’t even ORDERED invitations yet (yeah, we’re a little behind on this) and already we’re getting grief over who we did or did not invite to the wedding.

I seem to remember discussing in a previous blog our dilemma about deciding who to invite and who not to invite. Since Colin and I both come from very large extended families, inviting every aunt/uncle, cousin and child of cousin would be impossible.

For this reason, Colin and I set up some, “rules,” about how to decide which family members we would invite. For example, we decided that we didn’t want children under 21 at the wedding. We decided this for several reasons, one, it saves us the worry of anyone who is not legal getting their hands on alcoholic beverages. Two, it means that we don’t have to worry about any, “adult,” behavior at the wedding being inappropriate for young eyes.  Last, it allows our guests some time to kick back and relax, kid free! If I’m being perfectly honest, I also thought this was a good way to keep numbers down as well. Our venue can only hold 225 people comfortably (not to mention that we can’t afford more than that with the per person charges) and most of the families that we know have two or three kids. If we eliminate those few people, it increases the amount of adults we can add.

I feel like that rule is perfectly fair, but the problem arises with the exceptions…We did invite a few kids who are very important to us – namely our God Children. Why is this a problem, well it opens us up for questions. I already had someone question me about this. I gave them the explanation about the age cut-off, and she told me that her son had just turned twenty-one. Now, Colin nor I would know her son if we tripped over him, but since I opened this door with her, I now have to invite her son…what, should I start checking birth certificates?!?

Another guideline we set up was that plus ones were going to be very limited. We have a lot of younger cousins and some aunts, uncles, and friends who are not married. Again, to cut numbers and allow for more people that we wanted there, Colin and I decided that we would only plus one people who are engaged, married, or have reproduced together. But, there are exceptions…we have spent significant amounts of time with some of our friends plus ones – and if this is the case, we want them to be there. Also, I have a few friends who will be traveling fairly large distances to attend our wedding – and for that reason I feel like it I should allow them to have a guest to travel with. But again, I’ve opened myself up for debate.

Here’s the bottom line…this is OUR wedding – and we should be able to invite who WE want. I shouldn’t have to justify choices and I shouldn’t be confronted with questions – especially not before I even get around to sending out invitations! If you are unhappy with our choices on who we do or do not invite, then you are more than welcome to decline our invitations.

Yeah, I sound tough – but I’m not. I won’t say that to the people who question me, and I’ll probably end up cutting some of the people that I would like to have at the wedding to appease the people who have the guts to complain about the guest list, and at our wedding, we’ll probably spend some time trying to figure out who’s who.

Yours,

The Bride

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